She was just the most amazing woman in my life. The kind that should have written a book. I cant begin to tell you about her life, but I need to tell you about my life with her in it and why the road ahead seems so hard without her.
I dont know how to express what I am feeling. My chest pains when I think of the good times with her. They begin in the early days where I would spend hours around her feet in the pecan nut lands. She told me then that I was her best friend..I was 5. Setting heaps of leaves alight, getting paid to shake the trees, chasing our socks down the flowing cannals. Our trips to swimming galas all over the country, singing our lungs out on the long road...her smoke never bothered me then.
When my legs used to pain in the middle of the night she climbed into bed with me and held my paining leg. She always held my hand and said I had the softest hands. Ag I so badly want to hold her hand again. My heart is so sore remembering all these things. She came to my graduation and made me feel as though I had won an Oscar, she had no difficulty in expressing her pride. She always only wanted the best for me. I saw her one last time when she drove through the night, 700km alone, to come say goodbye to me before I went overseas. She was tall and strong, but when I hugged her she was soft. We had a good time together and we danced on Sunday afternoon. When she left on Monday how would I have ever known that would be my last hug, I somehow can still see and feel it. I was standing at the car door, it was HOT in February and our skin was sticky against each other. I thought she was so brave driving back alone and I admired her as she drove out of the yard...
The thing is I still need her in my life and I just cant understand what has happened. All I can do now is live my life according what would make her proud and be the woman she always saw in me. She always said to me: it doesnt matter how poor you are as long as you are neat, clean and friendly you will get far in life. Her last card to me ended with "and always stay true to who you are".
The last phone call I made was to confide in my mother, I needed to hear her words of wisdom, to feel her love and support, we spoke about playing golf together...I wanted her in my life more than ever.
Our last photo together - February 2012